None of the Above

[ rants ] 2000-11-29

Definition of a man: someone who, when you ask them to buy you some Little Debbie [tm] Swiss Cake Rolls [tm], comes home with the special *holiday* version with cherry creme instead of the traditional, white, sugar-flavored creme.

This, when they know that you don't like foreign flavors adulterating your holy chocolate experience.

And so, you stare into the cabinet, with no satisfying chocolate to be found, and you see these misbegotten monstrosities, these Cherry-fied sacrileges, occupying space where the real thing should be. In your chocolate-begrudged state, still addled from recovering from a major nasty bacteriological nightmare, you stare at the cabinet and think "If only.... if only he had *listened to me*. Then I could enjoy my Swiss Cake Rolls [tm] as they were meant to be."

But you realize that you can't have them, that the faux-rolls would not only clog your throat with their impure chocolation, but possibly even induce vomiting by their very presence in your digestive tract.

And so, you resign yourself to the only solace to which you have access: you raid the surplus Halloween candy.

(okay, this is the definition of *one* man. But those others of you out there, take heed and don't make this mistake. For goodness sake, take a cellphone to the store with you rather than buy an inappropriate chocolate product for your lady!)

[ humor ] 2000-11-29

How'd this one get through? Quick, before it gets fixed, go take a look at (DEAD LINK) this technote. I have no idea how this happened, but somehow this fine work of technical edification escaped Lotus Technical Support with the official title of: "Lizzie is my dog". I am not making this up.

And no, it's not one that *I* did! That's not even my area! I'm sure it's some kind of humorous glitch or something. Enjoy it while it lasts.

I only wish it were titled "Bob McDonald is a pompous idiot who should be fired immediately". Who is this Bob, you ask? Ummm... be glad you don't know him, and that your work life isn't controlled by his shortsightedness, that's all. Like mine is. Until I get fired for posting this, that is. :)

(My job is really very cushy here, especially compared to the poor folks who have to actually (attempt to) deliver technical support. However, I used to be one of them, and a large portion of my attitude has never left that state. Emotional scars, etc.)

[ body ] 2000-11-28

Sick, sick, sick! That's what I've been lately. Ugh, it's been awful. My tonsils got so swollen that it felt like they were being sliced with razorblades every time I swallowed. I'd rate it as an 8-9 on a 1-10 pain scale.

Please, take this as coming from a person who birthed an 8.5-lb baby with no drugs at all during a very intense painful labor (which counts as my personal "10" on the pain meter), this HURT LIKE HELL. In other words, I know what "ow" means, and I have a pretty good pain tolerance, and I am telling you that I have been in horrific misery for the past couple days or so.

Finally, I am feeling a little better. I went to doctor yesterday, and got some augmentin (powerful antibiotic) and some decongestant, and I've been taking some of my vicodin (powerful painkiller) that was left over after I had Elena (come to think of it, I didn't take any of it then at all). The vicodin brought the pain level down far enough (maybe 6-7) that I could eat and drink a teeny tiny bit, but certainly not enough.

So today I feel a little bit better (2-3 on the pain meter), and now my task is to get as much water into me as I can. My poor kidneys & liver have been having to function with very little liquid coming in, and I know this is a Very Bad Thing to do to them. Plus I'm permanently lightheaded, which isn't a good sign either.

So you won't be hearing much from me until I am more or less recovered. I may be able to go to work tomorrow, assuming this positive trend continues.

This whole nasty thing has been much worse than when I had mono 7 years ago, and I had thought *that* was bad. Ugh. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. Please, take a moment to be thankful for your relative good health, or at least for your ability to swallow without excruciating pain. Treasure it!

[ rants ] 2000-11-24

Greenspun's off the mark on this one: I found this article about managing software engineers via Joel on Software, and I find I disagree with it quite a bit in certain places. I mean, I understand Greenspun's concept here - he sees programmers as merely machines for turning money into code:

If you see one of your best people walking out the door at 6:00 pm, try to think why you haven't challenged that person with an interesting project. If you see one of your average programmers walking out the door at 6:00 pm, recognize that this person is not developing into a good programmer. An average programmer's productivity will never be significant in a group of good programmers. If you care about profits, you must either come up with a new training program for the person or figure out the best way to terminate his or her employment with your organization.

Geez, what a recipe for burnout! He seems not to consider that the programmer leaving at 6pm might be leaving to participate in the rest of their life - y'know, being a mother, father, son, daughter, friend, husband, wife, athlete, reader, musician, artist, etc. What kind of life is it to do nothing but code, all the damn time?

What a crock, really. It might do nice things for the pocketbook of the person running the programmer into the ground, but does it really do any favors for the programmer? They're never ever going to get those hours (weeks, months, years) of their life back. Is *everything* open to be sacrificed for the almighty Profit?

Not to me. Ugh. This sounds like indentured servitude, even if it does come with an aeron chair and a pinball machine.

[ consume ] 2000-11-23

This looks nifty: The Droplift Project has an interesting idea - make cds, then drop 'em off in music stores. Heh! I like the concept. And being a linguo-geek, I just love the name.

[ family food good ] 2000-11-23

The day of the sacred yummy bird is here: and I am happily full. Elena is asleep, we've got some good movies to watch, I made some pretty good (though not great) gravy, my family and friends are all safe and warm and taken care of (as far as I know), and I am extremely thankful for that. Each day is a gift.

That's about it. Harvest feasting is a fun holiday, indeed!

[ manifesto ] 2000-11-23

I just want to state, for the record: that I realize that my ideas about my manifesto were... a bit on the grandiose side, to put it mildly. :) I thought it would change the world, instantly, that I'd be famous and on the talk show circuit. Bwahahahhaha!!!

But hey, I can chuckle at myself, and I'm not hurt over it. I feel I've taken a very important first step, and the rest of my life will be spent refining these ideas and putting them into practice, trying to better my life and the lives of those around me.

I feel very strong, energetic, and optimistic. It's going to be a very exciting time! I've got so much work to do, so many ideas, so much to see and do and share. And of course, so much to read!

I feel a delight much like that which I experienced when I first took physics in high school - once I understood the rules by which the physical world worked, it all became so much clearer. That's the way I feel about the world of ideas, emotions, and game theory that we're all involved in.

I can see how it works, so now I can set about hacking it, for the purpose of doing good. Well, I obviously don't know *all* about how it works, there's still so much to explore. But I feel so profoundly... on the right track. I know enough to make some rudimentary sense of so many things, I feel as though I have discovered such an incredibly powerful tool.

So my work is just beginning when it comes to experimenting with and refining this tool and sharing it with the world. And I'm thrilled at the adventure that's beginning. I'm going to have a very very happy solstice!

[ rants ] 2000-11-22

Equifax's website officially has its head up its ass: And it seems to be wedged rather firmly, I might add. I believe recent events warrant my strong language. To wit:

Yesterday I got the standard bs message about "we were unable to process your payment, we'll send you email when you can come get your credit report online once we get it all figured out." Okay, no biggie. So today I have a message that says "All right, it's all fine, we've got your money, so come look at your credit report."

Fine & dandy, thinks I. So I go, I enter my login and password, it recognizes me, I think, oh goodie, I'm almost there. I click on the link to view my credit report, and I get a message in HUGE letters:

"Sorry, you have been logged out automatically due to inactivity."

Excuse me? After approximately twelve seconds since I logged in? Isn't that a little... excessive?

So I try again, same result. What a bunch of idiots. Okay, okay, there may be decent, clueful, hard-working people at Equifax, but the people in charge of implementing the website are not among them.

This is JFR (just fucking ridiculous). It doesn't even work, and it's a simple operation. One would think. But then, one is clearly, massively wrong.

I'm going to have to call them and straighten this out. I should have done the whole damn thing by snailmail in the first place. AAAAARGH!!!!

[ rants ] 2000-11-22

I called Equifax: and I told them to just send me the damn thing in the mail. "It'll take *5 to 7 days*!", the operator warned. Oh, gee, how will I ever cope with the delay. :P

Apparently everyone's having the timeout problem. The operator has evidently been told that it's not a problem with Equifax's system, and they don't know whose system is causing it, but they're looking into it. Well, that's what she told me, but I think she's being fed pure caca. Which I ain't eatin'.

Damn, this whole thing is making me uncharacteristically sassy. Probably a defense mechanism so that I can cope with the humiliation of having bad credit, and the aggravation of trying to get it fixed.

[ rants ] 2000-11-22

Absolutely, Hauntingly Horrifying: I came across this story at Follow Me Here, and I had to read the whole thing, and it's still haunting me with its horrific-ness.

It's about a 10-year old girl who was killed during a "rebirthing" therapy. She had been adopted, having been taken from her birth mother at around age 5 because her birth mother was deemed unfit.

Apparently all was not well between her and her new mom, who felt as though she couldn't "attach" to her (the girl to the mom). Other people who knew the girl say she seemed normal, though. Who knows, outward appearances can be deceiving sometimes.

Anyway, they went to Colorado so that they could give $7,000 to unlicensed therapists and spend a week doing the "rebirthing" therapy. They adjusted the girl's medications (she was on stuff for ADHD, *of course*) drastically.

Then, while they videotaped it (so the therapists could show their "successes" to other potential clients - this was routine), they wrapped Candace up in a sheet on the floor, wrapping all four corners together and twisting them. Then, 673 pounds worth of adults, cushioned by pillows, pressed in on the 70-pound girl, and urged her to try to be "reborn" to her new mom.

This went on for a *long* time - I believe over an hour (read the story for details).

She couldn't do it. She struggled as hard as she could, she said she couldn't breathe, she vomited, she even defecated in her pants. They told her fine, do it. They assumed she was just being manipulative, as "unattached" children are wont to do. She told them she was going to die. And she did.

They didn't even realize it at first, because they left the room, after they felt she wasn't trying to be "reborn" any more (well, being dead would tend to preclude that type of activity). Only when they came back did they bother to check on her, and found her lifeless, blue, and murdered.

This is just one of the most sickening things I've ever read in my whole life. I don't even know what to say, really. I am facing an overwhelming urge to kick the people who did this in the head, repeatedly.

It's going to take me a while to process this, to get it out of my head. I feel... dirty, sullied somehow, for knowing about this. But I also feel that it honors the poor girl who died, Candace, to bear witness to what happened to her, to imagine what she went through, to pity her, and to despise the people who did it to her. And somehow, maybe in some small way, to understand *why* it happened in order to ensure that it never, ever happens again.

Candace died because of bullshit. Severely wrong ideas in the heads of the adults charged with helping her did her in. Her mom thought she was "unattached" and needed this rebirthing thing to be able to have a healthy relationship with her, the therapists thought they had a clue, and they thought this whole scheme was somehow safe.

And worst of all, they believed strongly enough that this girl was an object, a thing, not a person. That she would manipulate them to any ends, that she would lie about her suffering, that her suffering didn't *mean* anything compared to what *they* were trying to achieve.

How dare they.

How dare they treat another human being that way! I hope they suffer the rest of their lives, remembering her cries, her pleas for help, her falling limp, that they left the room, that they ignored her. I hope it roils and burns in their hearts and minds every single day that they have remaining in their long, useless lives.

So I'm a little angry about this. But I think it deserves anger. Lots of it.

I'm waiting for my daughter Elena to wake up so I can take her to school. I'm going to go kiss her and snuggle with her now.

[ design manifesto my site ] 2000-11-22

New Design Coming... Sometime: I'm going to learn php, and totally redo my site in a much better way. But this will take awhile, since right now I know how to spell "php" but not much more about it. I've ordered a couple of books to chomp through, though.

The idea is that I want to make a big new fancy website with all kinds of interconnected stuff, and sort of model it on the way that I envision we store memetic structures in the brain. With my recent breakthroughs (that I wrote about in my manifesto), I have some exciting new directions to take this in.

That is, I've been working off and on for about a decade on coming up with a good, effective, elegant way to categorize information, and I've made various fits and starts on the road towards this goal, some more hideously lame than others.

If you're tempted to tell me "Oh, it's been done already, you should look into [blah]", I will wave my extended hand in your direction and ignore you. Really, I must explore this on my own, in my own way. I'm like that. That's just how it is. I won't be happy doing it anyone else's way. I have extremely specific ideas for how I want this to be, and I haven't even written the spec yet (and I'm sure the spec will undergo many layers of revision, and the finished product will only follow it to a degree).

So, I'm excited about this project. Ready to get started! It's going to kick butt! It's been a long time since I've done any real programming. Well... I haven't done all that much real programming, come to think of it. But still. I'm looking forward to sinking my teeth into this one. Watch this space for updates.

[ consume xmas ] 2000-11-22

Just bought a new cell phone! and it's oh-so-cute! I've been looking at the accessories which are available, and they look a bit pricey. Yikes. $20 for a colored faceplate? I don't think so. It looks pretty with the blue that it's got, actually.

I do like the little flashing puppy that alerts you when you get a call (and your ringer is either off or there is too much noise around for you to hear it), and the talk-through waterproof pouch, which would definitely be nifty to have while I go canoeing. The belt clip is essential, but they're on backorder now. Ah, well. Guess I'll add 'em to my xmas list.

[ rants ] 2000-11-22

I realized why it bugs me so much: that is, the story I ranted about earlier about the girl who was killed in the "rebirthing" therapy (sorry I don't have permalinks, that's something I'll include in my new site design though).

The thing is, it's one thing to do evil when you know you're doing evil - to hurt someone intentionally, to be violent by choice, to steal, to lie, to place your needs above someone else's, etc.

And it's another, far different and more hideous thing, to intend to do good and have the result nevertheless be evil. I mean, these idiotic misguided people thought they were doing the girl a favor, even as they were killing her. Really. That's part of what makes it so repugnant.

To me, part of why it's so repugnant is that... it's a type of mistake almost anyone can make. I mean, who in this world, has ever avoided hurting someone when they intended to help them? In a small way, even a little bitty tiny bit? We are all vulnerable to such miscalculations.

Not anywhere near as vast as the ones involved in Candace's death, but still. It's frightening. And terribly, terribly sad. And part of what makes us human, I guess.

Just bein' melancholy today.

[ body consume design ] 2000-11-22

My buckwheat-hull pillow is my new best friend: after only two nights with the thing, I'm utterly in love with it. It's *so* comfy. I can't believe I waited so long to get one. It's everything a pillow should be.

I just lay my head in it, wiggle back and forth once or twice, and I'm perfectly cradled, all forces evenly distributed.

If you've been considering one, I tell ya, don't wait! You deserve a pillow this good. Everyone does.

(your mileage may vary, however)

[ good ] 2000-11-21

Ahhh, I have finally found my tribe:

The Escapees

I can't wait to join!

[ consume ] 2000-11-21

Man, that just plain HURTS! I decided to see what kind of trade-in value I could get for my old Honda Accord (1989, LX-i, 194k miles, fair condition), at Kelley Blue Books, and it came back with:

$865.00

Ouch. Geez, it'd be worth more in parts. Guess we'll just keep it around as an extra family car, which will be useful when we move back to Colorado. *Sigh*. Of course, it was worth a lot more retail, but that didn't take into account the fact that it does have various scrapes on it, a broken antenna, etc. Bah.

[ good ] 2000-11-21

Heard on NPR this morning: A story about Dan Hurley, the 60-second novelist. Wow, this guy is *good*. Pretty interesting stuff, I'll have to read more of the site later.

[ consume rants ] 2000-11-21

Bad news: I got turned down for a credit card, with a very brutal letter. Sigh. I got horrifically into debt several years ago, and then paid everything off, bit by bit. I am currently out of debt (unless you count the house mortgage, which isn't even in my name), but there is still crap on my credit report.

Some of the crap I earned and it's fair that it's there, but some of it is due to my ex-husband, for stuff that should be listed under his name alone, but for some reason isn't. I have the divorce decree saying which debts are whose, but I haven't clobbered the credit bureaus over the head with it. Yet.

So now, I am ordering credit reports, and setting myself the task of cleaning up my credit as well as I can. This is going to take awhile, I know. But it sure as hell isn't going to get done unless and until I bite the bullet and just do it.

Expect further updates on this continuing saga as events slowly warrant. I'm worried I won't be able to get any kind of new credit for a long time, even though I'm a Good Citizen who paid off her debts instead of declaring bankruptcy (I was considering it, y'know). So I might have to get one of those embarrassing "secured" credit cards. Ugh. How unsavory. Oh well, if it helps me to be in a position where I can get a new car or a travel trailer, so be it. Time to get crackin'!

[ family xmas ] 2000-11-21

The Jump-O-Lene ROCKS! It's fabulous, one of the best things I've gotten for Elena in a long while. I even sent a message out to my cow orkers describing it:

I came across this lovely little inflatable bouncy safety-dome thingie yesterday, and decided to get one for my daughter (Elena, 18 months old). I found it online here, and also came across it at Bed, Bath & Beyond (on Great Hills Trail) for $30, which is $5 cheaper and you don't have to deal with shipping costs (it's almost 13 pounds).
It took us about 30 minutes to inflate, taking turns with the bicycle pump for the larger sections, and some concerted lung-powered effort on the upper sections. If you have an air compressor, it'd be much much easier.
It's a *BIG* hit! Elena absolutely loves it, and raucous giggling was heard all evening. Many toddler calories were burned, and all of us slept well last night. :) With a big sheet draped over the top, it makes a wonderful little playhouse. Kids can dive in over the top, or through one of the little holes. You can squish it through doorways to store it in another room when playtime is done with. And of course it can be used outside.
Anyway, I thought this thing was great, and that anyone with little kids (the maximum weight limit is 120 pounds) might enjoy it, or some of you may be needing gift ideas for your friends with little ones. Even an itty bitty little one who can only crawl would enjoy it, I think, as long as you keep bigger, more energetic kids away while they're playing.
To state the obvious: it's not the kind of thing that kids should play in unsupervised, and you really have to clear the room of any hard obstacles that they can bump into (chairs, tables, etc), at least to a radius of a few feet all around the thing. If there is more than one child inside at one time, they can crash into each other, causing serious injury, so please be very careful (it might be best to just make the kids take turns).
Just sharing,
-Beth
p.s. No, I don't have any financial interest in any of the companies mentioned. :P

[ good ] 2000-11-21

Here comes Noggin! While paying my cable bill today, I noticed some new channels listed on a little flyer they put in the envelope. Most of them are unremarkable, but one of them is a gem: Noggin.

This network is on my mom's satellite service, so I know a bit of what they offer - the highlight, to me, is that they show old episodes of The Electric Company, which I loved when I was a kid.

So I can't wait til it starts (Dec 28th), I'm going to be taping as many episodes as I can for Elena, and just for my own nostalgia. :)

[ consume ] 2000-11-21

My Doc Martens have recently re-entered negotiations with my feet, after a hiatus of over two years. I never really broke them in properly, and so there's a lot of work to be done before the boots and my feet come to a mutally acceptable agreement.

I like them a lot, though, and I've missed them, so I'll be glad when everyone can get along okay. By the way, the boots are black, simple, and have two extra holes than the standard model. Just in case you're quizzed on it.

[ rants ] 2000-11-21

And Experian sucks, too: Experian can't even find me in their records. I guess I'll just have to send letters to both them and Equifax. What a bunch of idiots. What a hassle. AAAAAARGH!!! (I already made out a letter to Trans Union, which has to give me a report for free since they're the ones who were consulted on my denied application).

This is really, really criminal, what they can do to people. Sigh.

[ rants ] 2000-11-21

Bitter irony: So the brilliant website at Equifax can't process my $8.50 fee. Bastards! I tried with my debit card (Visa), and then with a check (and it said it went through okay), but still it comes back with:

Sorry, bite me, you can't have your information, which doesn't belong to you anymore, even though we got it from you for free, and we make shitloads of money selling it to other people so they can deny you credit, even when the info is false and we know it.

I'm paraphrasing.

[ school ] 2000-11-20

A Sunflower House: is a spiffy little garden area that you can create for little kids to run around in. It looks beautiful, I can't wait to try it out myself someday.

[ xmas ] 2000-11-20

Gift Ideas for Xmas for Elena: (some of these might be better suited to wait until her 2nd birthday)

Little Tikes Dump Truck (probably to reside at Grandma's House)
Lego Duplo Tubes & Slides Playground set
Little Tikes Little Handiworker Workhorse (or this similar workbench from Step2)
A cushy kid's chair like this one (or the mini la-z-boy-style lounger from Sam's club)
A Jump-o-lene (this is a MUST HAVE for *me*, to let her bounce around and blow off steam in a fun, safe way)
Mama Hen with three baby chicks
I Can Snap book
Tricycle (probably better for her birthday)
Cootie Jitterbug (already out of stock, I see)
Curious George Jack-in-the-box
Teletubbies videos (She already has: big hug, dance with the Teletubbies, nursery rhymes, and the bedtime stories ones)

For Elena and her cousin Autumn: A sled (also to stay at Grandma's House)

General ideas: Teletubbies, Disney movies, books, some kind of toy kitchen, Tonka trucks, some kind of good humanoid dolly that she can feed with a bottle (preferably with dark hair, like her).

And just so we're clear on this, please please NO: Barney-related items, Talking Potty Dotty, or Barbie (yet. If she asks for them when she's older, then okay). I had previously thought of getting the Squeak E. Mouse dress-up doll for her, but from the comments it looks like it's not well designed, and would be too difficult and frustrating for her (and me). So I suppose I will just have to make her a dress-up doll, which should be fun!

More ideas to come later...

[ consume xmas ] 2000-11-20

Some gift-buying done already: I got the Jump-o-lene for Elena at Bed Bath & Beyond, as well as a nice buckwheat pillow for myself. I can't wait to try it out! I've been wanting one of these things for years. I also got myself a Tracy Chapman cd (Telling Stories).

I think this year, I'll just buy a bunch of gifts, list them along with their approximate prices, and family members can choose to "sponsor" a gift and give me money towards it. Saves a lot of time, effort, & energy, I think. I'd rather spend the holidays talking with my family, seeing movies together, and having a good time, rather than shopping.

Of course, everyone loves a surprise gift here and there, so I'm willing to participate in that as well, I just think this gift-sponsorship program idea is a good one. We'll see if anyone wants to do it (we've been discussing simplifying our xmas gift-giving this year already).

[ humor ] 2000-11-20

From French Radio: Our friend Luba (who's currently in Beirut) shared with us some jokes she heard on the French radio stations where she's at:

How many Americans does it take to change a light bulb?
They're still counting.

Why do Americans always claim to be Number One?
They don't know how to count.

[ family ] 2000-11-19

Coming home tomorrow: Vacation is nice, but I miss my routine and my stuff and all that. Tomorrow we'll have a long saga to get back home (three long plane legs). I hope it's not as tough as the trip out here. Too bad toddlers can't be given tranquilizers for travel the way they do with pets! Come to think of it, *I'd* like to be tranquilized for the trip!

[ manifesto ] 2000-11-15

Done . 40,000 words. 225K of plain text. And I am so exhausted that I cannot think or type or even feel straight.

Hmm, how to explain the effect of exhaustion on the brain in terms of emotional and memetic changes? Dunno.

All I know is I am suddenly so very worried that it's not really important or good or coherent. And earlier I felt like I was on top of the world.

So I don't know where it leads. Maybe nowhere. I hope not.

What sucks about being a visionary is that sometimes the glorious power of your vision just steps out of the room and you are plunged into darkness darker than anything you have ever seen before. And it just feels kind of lonely and sad. And you just hope the vision comes back. :(

So I'll see how I feel in the morning. Can't feel much worse.

I really thought I had something there. I wrote this thing in 3 days. Totally overwhelmed my life for three days. It's huge. I can't believe I actually did it.

Is it any good? I hope so.

I hate it when people doubt me and piss me off and I let it get to me! GRRRRRRRRRR summon anger defense! Memetic Action Rangers! Hmm, humor, I wonder how that one fits in. Maybe I should let someone else figure it out, leave a mystery or two for someone else to discover. Not fair for me to grab 'em all for myself.

Okay, sleep. Sleep, sleep. ZzzzzZzzzzZZZzzzZZZzzZZZz

Meme Hacker for hire. Rates negotiable. Will work for reciprocal kindness and good bandwidth.

[ manifesto ] 2000-11-15

The Pinata Manifesto ...is now ready for public viewing. Be warned, it's massively huge. Enjoy! I am very curious about what people will think of it, what kinds of ideas it might trigger.

And in a related vein, inspired by a blinding flash of insight today (once I'd had a good night's sleep after finishing the manifesto), I also wrote An Ambitious Proposal about what we should do with this here election crisis we've got going. In short: a new election, with write-in only ballots, and we should all vote for Colin Powell.

[ my site ] 2000-11-10

I'm BACK! My weblog was the victim of Microsoft-induced badness. That is, my friend Daniel attempted to install a new DVD player on this machine, and it got completely and totally horked.

So horked that it required a total reinstall and restore from backup.

Okay, so there's a chance that it's not really all Microsoft's fault (and one might argue that Daniel has some culpability in this situation), but I can't resist a chance to blame Microsoft when I've suffered real damage. And I do feel that I and both of my dear readers have suffered horrible damage due to the temporary hiatus of my weblog.

Agreed?

[ manifesto ] 2000-11-10

I've been very busy lately... working on a manifesto of sorts. I don't want to give away any details at this point, but I think it's rather important.

I have come to all sorts of amazingly grand realizations recently (mostly starting right before Election Day), and I decided that I must write them down because they were giving me a headache and causing me to tense up my jaw and neck.

These realizations also kept triggering many more and even bigger and deeper realizations to come into focus, so I was experiencing a great deal of tension, to say the least.

I feel a lot better now that I've written a lot of it down. I have five pages of handwritten notes (on E-2 paper, of course), and about 10,000 words written on the computer (when I realized that I couldn't handle this surge if I continued writing by hand).

And it keeps going. I am having trouble sleeping, I keep thinking of more things to write about. I wake up early and I can't get back to sleep. I get very cranky when I cannot spend time writing stuff down. And most of what I have written so far isn't even fleshed out - it's just notes, reminders to me of what I was thinking so that I can expound upon it later.

So, rather than me actively writing the manifesto (which I will publish as a book after releasing it online), it feels more as if the manifesto is writing itself *through* me. I feel as though I have grabbed a high voltage line, I am so energized! I feel like I am drinking from the firehose of wisdom.

And every time I make a plan of when I will make a deadline to come out with this thing (which will be only a very rough draft and starting point for this new philosophy), I KEEP MOVING THE DATE UP! At first I thought, I want to be done by New Year's. Then I thought, the Winter Solstice (Dec 21st). Now I'm thinking it needs to be even sooner.

So, very early tomorrow morning, Spencer, Elena and I go on our trip to Montana, to visit Spencer's father, stepmother, and grandparents. We'll be gone until Nov 19th. I'm hoping it'll be ready at that point, with maybe a little bit of fine tuning needed. I should have a lot of time to write, I think. It's good that my vacation just happens to be starting tomorrow. I really need the time to devote to this. I haven't been doing anything with it at work, because that just feels wrong. Well, okay, I did pop the thing into Word briefly so I could do a word count, but that's all (and I only did it because I didn't have a good tool for that at home).

It's coming, get ready. This is going to be so much fun! There won't be many weblog entries until I'm done, so I'm sorry, but trust me, it'll be worth the wait.

[ family ] 2000-11-10

I have the coolest brother in the known universe! My brother just called me and told me he found the elusive eToys-ad music I had previously written about! I'm so excited!

He found it here, which also lists music from all sorts of other commercials. Scroll down to eToys to see the one I'm talking about.

It's by Israel Kamakawiwo'ole, a Hawaiian guitar player. What's funny is I actually know who this guy is, and better yet, I'm proud to say, I know how to pronounce his name correctly! I saw him several times on tv when I lived in Hawaii, he's very popular. I should say, *was*, because unfortunately he died a few years ago. He was extremely morbidly obese, and I believe he died from complications from that. Truly tragic, I'm sure that he had much more wonderful music in him that we will never hear. :(

Anyway, the song is "Somewhere Over the Rainbow/What a Wonderful World", an amalgamation of the two songs. I absolutely *MUST* have it! I hope I can find it in Montana. Hmm.... I *am* going shopping at lunchtime (have to get Elena a warm coat for the trip, among other things), so I'll see if I can find it at Best Buy or something.

I'm extremely grateful to my Big Brother Bill for finding this for me.

Thank you!

[ body ] 2000-11-10

Decent pix of me: Just for reference, I'm going to link to the couple of pix of me on my site that I consider to be decent-looking (or even pretty good). one, two, three.

You see, I have this paranoid fear that I'll become famous, and all the media will use hideous pictures of me on the evening news.

So, if you're in a position to affect things one way or another, please do me a big favor and point them to these pictures, since they're recent and pretty good (especially two and three).

Thanks.

[ humor mammalog ] 2000-11-06

That wacky Luba: Our friend Luba sent me something funny after I told her that Elena was still nursing: Isn't the kid too precocious for suckling? Sure you won't turn her gay? In any case, I told the girls today that she was absorbing your impressive IQ along with your milk. So, it's worth being gay. Also, I'm reading Proust right now and am so mesmerized that I can't believe I missed out (in all these 55 years) reading him. He was gay and as far as I'm concerned, gay is alright if it produces prose geniuses like Marcel Proust.

[ good ] 2000-11-03

The lights are out here at work. I like it. So far, no one has turned them back on. I hope it stays that way.

The glow of my lava lamp is quite gentle and lovely. It feels more cozy in here. It's nice.

I have no idea why the lights went off. It seems to only affect our area. That's fine with me. Hmm, maybe I'll take a nap under my desk...

UPDATE: They've just been turned back on. Crap, it's back to Ugly Fluorescent Hell again. Sigh.

[ quotes ] 2000-11-03

So he's not an atheist, but I like this: Organized religion to me, frankly, is like joining NASA in order to look at the moon.
- James Lileks, author of (DEAD LINK) the Bleat

[ books ] 2000-11-03

Controversy at the Tattered Cover: also known as the best bookstore in the entire universe (in my esteemed opinion), (DEAD LINK) the Tattered Cover Bookstore in Denver is being forced to turn over records to the cops so they can track down someone involved with a meth lab.

Pretty sticky situation. On the one hand, I'm all for civil liberties, but on the other hand, this kind of sounds like just another clue being tracked down. They found an invoice to something bought at the TC in the meth lab. I just don't think this is all that different from any other clue at another crime scene.

From my understanding of the situation, this is NOT going after someone *because of* the books they bought. If it were a receipt or invoice for a box of chocolates or whatever else, it makes sense to me that it's legitimate for them to seek out whatever info they can find to determine who the purchaser was. I don't know, I don't claim to have all the facts on this one.

But then again, they state that they want to know which one of six known people was operating the meth lab. Um, how about asking them? Looking for fingerprints? I don't see how it implicates a person in the illegal manufacture of drugs if they happened to have left an invoice for a book there. I mean, it may or may not correlate. Whatever.

[ good school ] 2000-11-03

Games for kids (and others): This appears to be an excellent reference for all kinds of games for kids. It's got the rules for everything from marbles to duck duck goose. Cool!

[ family ] 2000-11-02

Spent today at home with Elena: since she had Mystery Meaningless Diarrhea at school again. It's raining like crazy here today. The creek is running high, but we're not in danger. I moved the dining room table into the computer room, so the former dining room will now hold Elena's toys and stuff. That's pretty much it for today.

[ my site ] 2000-11-01

New stuff here! Check out the log archive drop-down box to the left. Pretty spiffy! Thanks to Daniel for implementing this.

Also, I added a couple more Halloween-related tidbits to the Cow Orker Humor page.

[ beauty mammalog ] 2000-11-01

Gotta be the shoes: I realized that the colors of splattered paint blending with the pink embroidery on Elena's nikes was quite beautiful, so I scanned one of them:

She'll be grown out of these shoes in the blink of an eye, so I felt I needed to share this. I really do admire the subtle colors added to them by the touches of paint.

[ family good humor ] 2000-11-01

Trick or Treat, smell my feet, gimme something good to eat! Well, it was a fun Halloween overall. Elena didn't want to wear her costume at the Halloween fair at her school, and the fair itself was a couple of orders of magnitude more chaotic than I thought it would be.

But she had fun, playing on the big kids playground by herself, and then later running through a tent full of balloons. She was extremely peeved when I grabbed her out of there so we could go home, but she got over it.

We went trick or treating to the neighbors next door, who are extremely nice wonderful people, and they in turn brought over their great-granddaughter. Elena wasn't real thrilled about the whole prospect at first, but once she realized candy was involved, she caught on really quick.

At work, there were quite a few festivities, with lots of people dressing up, many in really creative and excellent costumes. I wish I had one myself - I figure I might as well make one next year, since I can then use it every year if I like it enough. I mean, since I'm not really growing any more, it's worth it to invest the time & energy to make a really good costume. But I am not sure what that costume should be...

The guy next to me at work dressed up as the Comic Book Guy from the Simpsons:

Hahaha, just kidding, he looks like Comic Book Guy every day of the year! It's really uncanny, the resemblance. He even has one o those trendy Razor scooters that he brings to work. I predict that the Simpsons writers will soon add one of these to the animated Comic Book Guy.

In my search for this image, I found (DEAD LINK) many people who have Comic Book Guy pages, even a whole category of them. My goodness, that's devotion.

[ beauty ] 2000-11-01

The ads by etoys use music that has the ability to make me cry. Easily. I don't know why. Sigh. They had an ad campaign awhile ago, and it would invariably make me cry. I recall it involved a little kid and a pregnant mom, and the mom getting something for the kid to prepare for the new arrival.

The new one is different but I can't remember what it is, all I can remember is the music (which is the same, a bit of gentle lilting guitar, and a "mmm hmmm mmm mm" vocal). If any of you can find me this music, I will pay you. Really.

I checked adcritic.com, and etoys returned nothing on their searches. *pout*. It's not often a short piece of music can affect me so. I *must* have it!

[ mammalog ] 2000-11-01

Mixed feelings: I kind of like the Breast Chronicles, but every time I look at it, I am somewhat struck with repugnance at the focus on breasts as merely aesthetic objects of male appreciation.

As the owner of a pair of breasts that work for a living, I find this attitude... shallow and frankly quite silly.

Speaking of which, I am just now attending to a request for their use.

How sadly limiting, to consider breasts merely something to look at and fondle. They do, after all, serve a supremely important purpose: that of nourishing, comforting, and priming the immune system of young humans.

My daughter, contededly nursing at this very moment, is one of a sadly scarce few who are able to partake of such benefits at the age of 18 months old. An age at which it is perfectly natural to be nursing, I might add.