When Brenin got bored he would either chew on things or urinate on
them, or chew on things and then urinate on them. Very occasionally,
he would even urinate on things and then chew them, but I think that
was just because, in all the excitement, he would forget exactly where
he was in the order of proceedings.
– http://www.telegraph.co.uk/arts/main.jhtml?xml=/arts/2008/11/08/sm_philosopherwolf.xml
THE CORN HAS A CLOCK
box cat is box
ada mew is an ada mew!
the crab always wins
Sarah: You know, it started out as a really awesome concept; then it
just got… Japanese.
qed is latin for pwnd
Amy Thomas: Man. Malt beverages.
my biological tock is clicking
[alison] I tend to avoid doing things that killed the first person to
do it. Like marathons.
[daniel] (noticing Ada in a corner staring) Is it just me or is the
kitten lurking more?
[sarah] LURK MOAR!!!!!
I’ve got data in one hand and a ham sandwich in the other!
zomg kitteh
TROUT!
BRAKE FOR MOOSE
press six like a retarded monkey
necrotic sloth
Man, I wish I had a banana.
My, you’re looking mighty lepitudinous today.
Best spam subject line EVER:
We got your Giant Tree Squid (Arborteuthis dux)(left) and we got your
Gray Dire Cat (out of focus, right).
CONTROL F FOR FOODS
We could dress you up and take naked pictures of you…
Oh.
you can’t chug history all in one go — you have to drink it gulp by
gulp!
Oh No Not Punk
ritualized pooping procedures
apply the pimping lemma
your theta waves are all up in my grill, knock it off
I have made my banana hammock, and now I must swing in it.
The Platypus:
im in ur streams
pingin ur prawns
How can you be fat in two places at once!?
I had a hot dog for lunch. Except instead of ketchup, I used peanut
butter. Oh, and instead of a hot dog, a banana.
chunk the monkeys
I feel like I keep seeing examples of confirmation bias everywhere!
widdershenanigans
(widdershinanigans?)
GET READY! HERE COMES SOMETHING WACKY! PUT ON YOUR HELL-BOO PANTS!
i am man who was wearing the traditional gold-flecked and diamond
decorated black suit that adorned lawyers throughout the galaxy
- spam
It’s not an opinion. It’s a scientific hypothesis!
our love is like a Ziplock bag
I AM PEZBOLLAH! I AM A CANDY DISPENSER TERRORIST!
bingo, bango, tin can tango!
what is this mess? all peanut and no possum!
tactical sloth
New Hampshire: liberal without being all Massachusetts about it
the X that was AND WILL BE!
PARROT! COME SEE PARROT!
hurf durf butter eater
The frogs can’t come.
Don’t assume. Bring a fork.
intentional spores
a peck of pork to pull
epiphylogenetic culturontologically paradigmatic
sesame chicken extra chicken not spicy
homeless deaf midget
Bang. One. Fine. Young. Gnome.
morally ambivalent amphibious oyster bots
Flickrcrush
papable potato pope
flashmeme
sneakhump
THOUSAND OF POUNDS OF CHEESE AND FRUITS
in Soviet Russia, Calabi shapes YAU!
rotoweasel, free with your laundry llama!
invalid nose, please contact your nasal institution
I am a giant killer crab! I pinch the flesh from your bones!
on the second day of christmas my toaster burned for me: two berry poptarts and a slice of tomato and cheese!
magnetically attracted to Satan
croutonic energy
hot brass llama, coming for you
hot brass llama, escaped from the zoo
hot brass llama, he’s on the lam
there were tits involved
blue titted monkey
sexxxygrrl83
divide by chocolate error
cute slightly lovable geekoid from hell
bumbleducks
Day of Dongs
There is way too much social consciousness in our freezer. One pint of ice cream… one pint of liberal propaganda.
You know that feeling you get when you want to leap on a running deer, choke it to death with your bare hands, skin it with your teeth and ingest the whole fleshy mass in one long suck? Even the hooves? And then slap a policeman, hotwire a truck, kidnap six gorgeous men and stuff them in the back seat and drive the whole party down to Guadalajara, offer to have sex with all of them in a seedy border hotel, trade the ones that refuse for chickens to enter in the cockfights, spend all your winnings on mescal and hallucinogenics and wander off into the desert screaming about how the stars are biting you?
Yeah, that. I’m feeling that.
more names than bands
stealth grapes
superhero linguist
degenerate snowmen - they don’t have a middle ball
don’t fuck the vapid
HARRITON: DEN OF INIQUITY
it was like a whoopsie-daisy sitcom
— overheard. [comedy of errors?]
Wow, I can shake the nuts, and the nuts move!
that bad ant would never work
intentional spores
RSS is not a feed
New Jersey is just Old Gulph Road, writ large — it’s a 10,000 lane wide Gulph Road.
PECORINO ROMANOED!
You can put the spoon down now.
cooch sidhe coup
the pineapple needs some manipulation
There’s a fish in your hair!
OMG JUL4 LOL BBQ!!!!11!!!11!!!111!!!!
When I get back home, I’ll ask our parents if they’ll buy us a TV.
That will cost at least 20 or 30 sheep.
But we have so many sheep.
—The Story of the Weeping Camel
Never underestimate the bandwidth of your pocket.
Gao1yang2 zhong1 de5 gu1yang2.
a life partner does not “complete” you. A pair of surgically attached synthetic wings does the trick far better.
At what point should I just make this an RSS feed of Overheard In New York?
the little dream lives but the big dream dies
root around until sock like substance is found…..uh..that’s a weasel
Truth, Justice, Freedom, Reasonably Priced Love, and a Hard-Boiled Egg
My days of not taking you seriously are definitely coming to a middle.
If someone else doesn’t start changing qotd soon I will be grumpy. - dmd
You can’t take the sky from me…
More than a shoe. More than a missile.
Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!
YAHTZEE!
No pleasure, no rapture, no exquisite sin greater than central air.
The best quality
and design is just for you.
You will feel like
writing with it all the time.
This is the most comfortable
notebook you
have ever run into.
Grade A meat
Now today is tomorrow
And tomorrow today
And yesterday is weaving in and out
parapet-ual petticoats
If Joy gets in your eyes, rinse thoroughly with water.
fibonacci socks
juicy flounder DIRECT to your mom!
Original flavor!
like drinking a freshly washed and sandblasted baby
“Doesn’t being pumped all the time make you tired?”
“I have to sleep once in a while, but when I do, I do it hard. I slam my head into the pillow.”
“Luke” and “Leia” are clearly the Naboo words for “morphine” and “epidural”.
GERMAN SPAM INVASION!?!?
Laptop. Sewing machine. Lighter fluid.
BART: look at me i’m a grad student i’m 30 years old and i made 600 dollars last year.
MARGE: bart, don’t make fun of grad students. they just made a terrible life choice!
T IS FOR TIME CUBE UND TIME CUBE VICTORY
- Time Cube: The Musical, feat. Kompressor
The last thing we all need now is herpes.
It’s raining shoemakers’ apprentices!
I hit him so hard he fell off the Internet.
drink some of this, it’ll put color in your cheeks.
Ok, I need you to sniff me.
SAFEBAGEL: Scientists Against Far-out, Extensive, Burdensome Acronyms Getting Entrenched in Language
Refenistration prohibited.
I’m not me, this isn’t my blood, and this isn’t happening.
If you put Jell-O in an omelette pan, it won’t om!
More prose than porn.
Actually, my legs will probably blink first.
an oversized, partially digested tadpole with a bad case of sunburn and a toaster for a head
I don’t believe in souls. Or punctuation.
in the red
No Hoe For You!
reticulating splines
“Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.”
—Stravinski
like trying to fish with a bowling ball
How public - like a frog.
It’s a hell of a town.
Shuzan held out his short staff and said, “If you call this a short staff, you oppose its reality. If you do not call it a short staff, you ignore the fact. Now what do you wish to call this?”
Eating his rice, one monk whispered to the other, “He’s always saying shit like that.”
girls in summer clothes
all colors swarming
You know, ramen should really come in Knowledge flavor.
“We’ve been attacked by the intelligent, educated segment of the culture.”
—Ray Mummert, pastor, fighting against the evils of evolution being taught in school